ghosttree

closing in on ten years.

I want you to know that at this moment in time, I haven't been this happy in a long time.

I went back to the house today and got some more stuff. His sister was staying there, and I visited her last night also, and I went back today because his other sister was coming. I was there for about 3 1/2 hours or so. I don't know. I just listened to her talk, and it was okay. I got some stuff that belonged to me.

We decided we're just going to abandon the trailer. No biggie I guess. It just sucks that he worked all his life and bought all those things and I can't find any pros really. I can't pay the lot rent, and I can't put it up for sale because my name is not on the house title. I don't have a problem with this.

I just wish it all wasn't like this.

Just listening to a lot of Cranberries lately, and just floating through life with no real plans. I just, float.

It's still hard. 2 days later. I have been ill ever since I drank, but the sight and smell of food make me sick. Nothing sounds good to eat. I got drunk two days ago, so..
And now it's just I lay in bed and stare. Laying on my back hurts my stomach. I ate some saltine crackers so it feels a little better. They're too salty and the juice I like is too sweet.

And I keep thinking about him. Everywhere we went and the things we did. I am so deeply depressed. We only had about 5 days in the total of our 1 1/2 years together that we were apart from each other. I missed him horribly in the days he went fishing, and he said he missed me when I went to see Gaga in concert. I'm just trying to find my thoughts. It feels impossible. He was the most important person to me, and he tried to teach me how to be patient and be a better person. I am going to try now. It just blows my mind that he's gone and never coming back.

His obituary was posted today. record-eagle.com/obituaries/x1…

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